A Practical Walk

Not everyone experiences malaria the same, and there’s different strands, but here’s how malaria has affected me.

I start feeling a little off, usually in the evening. I start getting cold (even in the African heat), I climb under the covers and shiver. My fever spikes. I drift off to a feverish sleep, and then at some point in the night wake up hot and sweaty. The next morning I might be a little fatigued, but for the most part feel better and am able to do many of my regular chores.

When evening hits, I start feel tired again, might even loose my appetite, and eventually I’m climbing back under the covers with chills. And so goes the cycle.

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I know everyone faces emotions somewhat differently too, but when I realized how similar my feelings are to malaria it helped me know how to weather it.

I’ve never been so down in the dumps so much that I stay in bed for days or weeks.

I get hit with hard feelings, sadness, anger, bitterness. It can hit me really hard. It’s like when my malarial fever is spiking, my emotions can spike, it’s all I can think about.

I remember one time when my fever was spiking, despite having taken medicine. I layed in bed and thought, “I might be dying.” But even though that realization was on my mind, I was too tired and energy-less to even care. Sometimes that’s how I feel when I’m spiking in my emotions.

But just like with malaria, after the worst of the cycle, I feel pretty good. In fact I’m back at my chores and normal life.

How has this bizarre analogy helped me?

1. If I remember that my emotions tend to cycle in strength, it makes it easier to get through the toughest part. I often remind myself not to make any big decisions while I’m in the peak of a bad mood, wait until I’m feeling better.
2. When I have malaria, even though I cycle through times of being fever-free and feeling better, that doesn’t mean I’m cured of malaria, I still have it in my body, it’s just not showing it’s symptoms at that moment. It’s the same when I’m grieving a loss, missing a friend, or processing a difficult situation. There’s times when I feel happy and the hurt doesn’t hurt so bad, but that doesn’t mean it’s not still there. It doesn’t mean it couldn’t still flare up.

This may seem like a strange analogy, but it’s really helped me cope with the way my emotions tend to work. I know not everyone’s the same. Other people will have milder emotions that stay more even all the time, and others feel strong emotions over long periods of time with little respite. But apparently I’m a malaria-type feeling person.